The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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