i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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