from now on my penis is your penis
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
