I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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