I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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