I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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