This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
