tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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