So drunk, too bad you don't want this
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
