he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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