he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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