I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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