yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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