elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
