Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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