John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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