People in love make me want to vomit
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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