and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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