Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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