I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
