Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
