So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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