do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
