next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
