She's JV to your varsity
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
