Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
