I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
