it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
