i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
