so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
