he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
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I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?