Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
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I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.