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I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
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