did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
