Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
