he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My balls are so social today.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
