so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
