We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
