I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
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Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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