you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
