i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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