OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
When are your genitals available?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
