can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
