Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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