i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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