She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
