I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
