i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
