Porn is love you can see.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
