I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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