Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
