she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
