1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Ladies don't puke and tell
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
