How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
