You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
