I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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