i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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