Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
