I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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