just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
