You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
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Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
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Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.