Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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