did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
