Texts From Last Night

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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  ...are you coming on to me?

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  (901): I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me. (601): Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly (901): ...are you coming on to me? http://tfl.nu/90vx
  Replies (12) Good night (3439) Bad night (769)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.

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  (972): Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food. http://tfl.nu/9e1d
  Replies (13) Good night (1285) Bad night (3127)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.

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  (940): I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night. http://tfl.nu/ldko
  Replies (16) Good night (934) Bad night (3609)
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  (661): View more from California

  No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.

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  (661): No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer. http://tfl.nu/5zs6
  Replies (44) Good night (4539) Bad night (1047)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.

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  (815): So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit. http://tfl.nu/x6k6
  Replies (33) Good night (7490) Bad night (1082)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  his penis was the training wheels of my sex life

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  (610): his penis was the training wheels of my sex life http://tfl.nu/y4t8
  Replies (16) Good night (4744) Bad night (1303)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.

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  (920): I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either. http://tfl.nu/oep9
  Replies (3) Good night (2799) Bad night (879)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.

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  (803): Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical. http://tfl.nu/xb5u
  Replies (19) Good night (4452) Bad night (1424)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night

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  (503): im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night http://tfl.nu/l78r
  Replies (4) Good night (2806) Bad night (776)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud

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  (915): I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud http://tfl.nu/k3wa
  Replies (5) Good night (1178) Bad night (517)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"

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  (843): That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion" http://tfl.nu/omtf
  Replies (9) Good night (448) Bad night (889)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.

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  (702): This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there. http://tfl.nu/l8ar
  Replies (0) Good night (590) Bad night (425)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...

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  (215): Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment... http://tfl.nu/6162
  Replies (1) Good night (553) Bad night (266)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.

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  (870): I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong. http://tfl.nu/b6l6
  Replies (3) Good night (545) Bad night (287)
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  (718): View more from New York

  DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES

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  (718): DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES http://tfl.nu/23my
  Replies (2) Good night (409) Bad night (232)

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