They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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