he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
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You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete