Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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