pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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