proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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