wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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