thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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