sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
