i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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