This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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