I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
